Honestly I am uninspired as f*ck! 

I had this entire idea to walk you guys on my journey of how I come to know that I love fashion journalism. The story started with me painting the picture of third grade me writing letters to my mother who was deployed. But then I thought that picture is kind of too personal. 

 

The second thing that made me realize that I loved to express myself using words was my 8th grade English teacher, Mr.Goldman. He would give us spontaneous prompts  that we'd have a few minutes to free write to. I would always demand to be the last person to share so I could show off how "strong" and distinct my voice was. I feel like most writers have an English teacher they adored. 

I got to high school and met my muse to my entire fashion journalism career that I just started like two weeks ago...Ms.Samuel. I arrived to New York, fresh from the land of country grammar, and yes my grammar was very country. It's funny to me how I felt like I had such a strong voice, but yet I genuinely thought "finna" was a word. She corrected my constantly, but I appreciated it every time. I spent 3 years in her English classes, sharpening my syntax and grammar. She taught me that in order to be truly heard, I had to be understood, especially as a brown person. On the other hand, whose to say that black slang is incorrect or improper? 

Even though I always loved writing, I always struggled to find the balance of being authentic but conforming to the rules of writing. The same feeling of inadequacy surfaces when I think of being black in fashion. I don't consider myself a writer or in fashion, yet. But I do think the saddest thing about falling in love with fashion journalism is admitting that both of the spaces: fashion and writing(journalism included) are rooted in anti blackness. 

 

I have been going back and forth on whether I care about that or not because I know that all I have to do is put my elbows out to not be crushed by these spaces. But the question I keep coming back to is:

Is the pushing and shoving worth getting to the front of the stage?